


ripping the page straight out

by nighttimesympathies



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Comfort, Coming Out, Friendship, Kageyama is on the Autism spectrum, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, i want to give him a big big hug, mentions of autism, this is me hugging one of my many fictional babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-28 21:42:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13912782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nighttimesympathies/pseuds/nighttimesympathies
Summary: Kageyama comes out. Oikawa helps him through the night.





	ripping the page straight out

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Please do not hesitate to reach out and comment. (The relationship tags are definitely misleading considering this is a conversation revolved around friendship and not romance, but if I labeled it as Kageyama/Oikawa, I also feel like that would be misleading. I hope you can understand my choice here).
> 
> If you yourself (and I mean you personally, reader, whoever you are), are in need of a friend then do not hesitate to reach out. And if you would like more conversations like this (or maybe even a story involving these two), please let me know.

12:00AM  
kageyama.t

hey. this is tobio. iwa gave me your number.  
i straight up give no shits about our past right  
at this minute because i need your help now.

i think i’m gay and i’m in trouble.

please talk to me.

12:15AM  
oikawa.t

Way to drop a bombshell on me. Can I call you?

12:17AM  
kageyama.t

um. no. do not. fucking call me.  
i cannot. talk on the phone.  
legit the only person who calls me  
is hinata and even then  
rarely.  
it’s texting or face to face and you  
do not  
want to see me right now.

12:20AM  
oikawa.t

I do, actually. Stop assuming.  
How long have you known?

12:30AM  
kageyama.t

going on two months.  
it’s  
been an experience.

12:32AM  
oikawa.t

Elaborate.

12:35AM  
kageyama.t

well you know how close  
hinata and i are.  
like  
he is my only friend  
and also  
the person i love more  
than volleyball.  
right now, three people know that;  
you, me and  
tsukishima.

12:37AM  
oikawa.t

Oh, Jesus.

12:40AM  
kageyama.t

exactly.

like  
i scare people.  
i know i’m  
fucking terrifying.  
but tsukishima is  
murderously mean  
and  
people think i’m robotic  
and that i can take  
all of his shit  
over and over  
and shed it off.  
but  
i’m not a cat.  
i don’t have a second skin.  
i find the word faggot  
problematic  
and legit have punched  
the wall in the gym  
when he’s called me that  
and worse.  
i don’t even care when  
he calls me autistic now.  
it’s him calling me faggot  
over and over  
like i’ve already confessed  
and trusted him with my  
secret dreams.  
that’s what’s breaking me.  
i am  
done.

12:50AM  
oikawa.t

You are far from done.  
In fact, you’re close to the other side.  
Case in point, you reached out to me--ME, Tobio-chan.  
You trust me with saving your life and that tells me  
something about our relationship and something  
about you.

I for one am grateful  
because the amount of raw throats from  
unshed tears if you took your life  
without asking Iwa-chan for my number  
would astonish you.

Think of what Hinata would do  
if you left him alone with your  
silence.

Don’t, actually; that’s way too sad.

Instead, think about how you’re so much bigger than that hateful word.

Some people in our community have  
reclaimed that word as their own;  
there’s a slim possibility that Tsukishima’s  
assuming you’re cool with it for this reason.

More likely, he’s homophobic trash who’s  
beneath your contempt and mine and  
may only cease in his slopbucket spewing  
with disciplinary action (i.e. you talking to  
Suga and Daichi).

Why have you not, by the way?  
I understand they’re not queer like us,  
and you’re not nearly as close with them  
as you are with Shrimpy. But they are Kind  
and Selfless (Especially Suga), and if you  
came to them and asked for their guidance,  
I am 100% certain they would listen.

Also (and screw you, I have a massive cramp  
in my hand from writing this, damn you aggressively  
introverted shut-ins), Suga and Daichi are probably  
more aware than you think of the royal sh*tstorm  
blowing between you and Tsukishima.

They probably haven’t confronted you about it because  
they’re scared of you, b. they’re scared of Tsukishima (so am I)  
and c. they don’t have an effective way of dealing with it as of yet.

Bullying, as I’m sure you’re unaware, is an epidemic here in  
the land of the eternally rising suicide rates.  
It’s a wonder that you don’t hear much about what goes down among  
our mutual friends (probably because most people opt for your approach  
and bottle it up until they explode and reach out to their mentor/rival).

Which brings me to my next point: get a therapist.  
I mean that with 100% seriousness.  
Therapy. Works.  
I started seeing a therapist a month after coming out and  
it helped me help myself and Iwa-chan, too.  
It actually helped him even more because then he felt like  
he could understand the trajectory of our separate  
journeys. (Do you think it would comfort you to talk  
with him)?

1:18AM  
kageyama.t

just talking with you is fine.  
yeah i  
tried therapy.  
it  
didn’t work.  
i  
shut down.  
i couldn’t offer up my thoughts  
in a productive way.  
if talking with suga and daichi helped i  
would do it yesterday.  
as it stands every time i have  
attempted to address  
my problem,  
tsukishima’s there.

he’d hear everything  
and then  
he’d flay me alive and hang  
me from my insides  
with his words.

so no.  
not doing that.

1:25AM  
oikawa.t

How about you, me,  
Suga, Daichi and Shrimpy  
all hang out at my house?

1:27AM  
kageyama.t

uh. are you inviting me over.  
me.

1:29AM  
oikawa.t

No, your sexy twin brother, Obito.  
Yes, you, silly goose.  
Come over tomorrow.  
I’ll reach out to the guys.  
We. are. here for you.

1:30AM  
kageyama.t

thank you.  
i  
don’t know how to thank you.

1:33AM  
oikawa.t  
Thank me by not dying.  
Way too many people care about you  
to lose you, myself (begrudgingly)  
included.

2:00AM  
kageyama.t

can iwa come too.

2:03AM  
oikawa.t

Of course. Don’t steal my boyfriend.  
Get your own, you big flirt.

2:05AM  
kageyama.t

if you help me sure.

2:15AM  
oikawa.t

Get ready for a long night.


End file.
